TOOLS OF TRADE – a blog by Jase Gram (Hornswood Express)

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November 16, 2011 by

Great men throughout the ages have achieved great feats. Monumental feats with nothing but grit, determination and the inner strength to overcome any challenges or challengers. Others became great and legendary, with a little help from their tools.

Thor – the coolest comic book character of all time (except of course for The Phantom), gave absolute hell to all monsters and demons and kicked the butt of a few bad-attitude Gods also.

How? His Mighty Avenger Lightning Hammer is how.

Thor, really with a really cool hammer.

David– of David and Goliath fame, was without a doubt the religious icon of choice when I was a boy, with all due respect to Jesus. Dave knocked his enormous, indestructible enemy into submission with a medium-sized stone.

How? With some help from his trusty sling.

King Arthur – a dude not to be messed with if you were a bandit, Saxon dog or a really dishonorable Roman.

How did he turn his Arthurian battles into victories one after the other? Oh, I don’t know, just a little implement called EXCALIBUR.

Wild Bill Hickok – the famous shootist.

Why do we know his name? Why was he not just Billy Hickok, wagon driver and part-time folk singer? His twin Colt Navy pistols.

These men have all become legends. They relied on their tools of trade and with them they carved out immortality.

Why then, whenever I need my TV remote control, is it impossible to find? It’s down the back of the couch, my wife has left it on the kitchen bench, or it’s all the way on the other side of the room.

There is no possible way you would ever have heard Thor, muscles bulging under his steel armour, winged-helmet on his head, about to go and battle with Malekith the Accursed, have this conversation.

Thor – “Excuse me darling, sorry to wake you, but have you seen my hammer?”

Mrs Thor – “Look after your own damn toy Thor! I got next to no sleep last night!”

Wild Bill, preparing to step out to face an Abilene pistolero of great repute who has killed more people ‘n smallpox, would not be heard saying the following.

Wild Bill – “Honey… it’s about my guns.”

Mrs Hickok – “They were in my way, so I put them in the barn! Your stuff is always in the way William.”

King Arthur, mounting his horse, resolved to stride off proudly to face the terrible Black Knight.

King Arthur – “Sweetheart, it’s just that old swordy thing. Have you moved it again? No bother if you have.”

Wench of King Arthur – “Sometimes I wish you’d left that bloody thing in that stone Artie.”

Or David.

David – “Sugar, don’t get up, I know you have a headache. Any idea where’s my sling? It’s just that, well, big old Goliath is coming today. And I had a little pile of rounded stones here somewhere.”

David’s girlfriend – “Sometimes I think you care about that ugly sling more than me.”

What reaction do I get when in my own house, my own domain, I protest about not being able to find my remote. “Get off your butt and find it.” No wonder I’m not great.

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