I WAS JUST TRYING TO ARRANGE A DAD’S PUB VISIT

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July 26, 2019 by writehandman.com.au

In Hornswood (being the mystical little suburbs snuggled between the bookends of Hornsby and Chatswood) we need to initiate social events, whenever we can.

My daughter attends an “elite” private school, in Hornswood. I don’t say that in a showing-off way at all, I can barely afford it and it’s a bit of a struggle when we have to pay the school/sport/book/camp/uniform bills. But I cannot deny it’s an amazing, very well-to-do-school and most the parents drive cars that are much fancier than my Mazda CX-9.

When she was in her first year I thought it would be a great idea to arrange a piss-up with the other dads of Year 7 girls. Someone arranged the same thing at my son’s school and it was great because you got to know blokes you are going to occasionally see, for the next 6 years.

I was eventually put in contact with the person in charge of such things, Mrs Penelope Correct (my daughter would kill me if I used her actual name). I sent her an email, complete with a Bitmoji.

Dear Penny,

I’m the father of a student in year 7. I was hoping to arrange an unofficial pub visit for the dads of her year, so we can all get to know each other early in the schooling career. Would that be possible? Thanks.

Jase Gram

PC replied in a very timely and positive manner.

Dear Mr Gram,

I’m pretty confident that is the first time anybody has sent correspondence to this school, with a Bitmoji of themselves. Lol. However, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Send me an email and I will forward it straight out to the rest of the dads of Year 7. Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

So I sent her an email with an excellent Bitmoji of me attached, to really set the tone for all the dads, when she forwarded it on.

Howdy dads of Year 7 girls,

I know some of you dodgy buggers already, but most I don’t and we’re going to be at dance rehearsals, soccer, netball, parties and sleep-over drop-offs, for the next 6 freaken years.

Let’s all get together for a massive, rowdy break-the-ice piss-up!!! Who’s in lads? The Greengate, March 17th. 7:00ish.

 

The next day, PC send me back a reply.

I’m sorry Mr Gram. Do you think you could possibly, tone the email down just a little bit? Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

I assumed the picture was the problem, so I sent back a less suggestive Bitmoji.

Penny, please just call me Jase. I’m no “Mr Gram”. How’s this one?

 

PC replied.

I’m sorry Jase, do you think you could possibly, tone the email down just a little bit further? Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

So I amended it to look more like a dad celebration-of-Hornswood-life, than a dad piss-up.

 

PC then replied, in an exceedingly timely manner. I think she was starting to get a little concerned.

I’m sorry again Jase. The school does not want to be seen to be encouraging beer drinking, in any of their communications. Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

So keep in mind I really wanted this thing to happen and I didn’t want to appear like an absolute yobbo to my daughter’s new school. So I sent a Bitmoji which had no amber fluid.

I know what you’re saying Penny. How’s this one?

 

PC replied.

No Jase, could you do one that’s a little bit more representative of us at Hornswood Ladies College? Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

That one was easy.

Penny I’m pretty keen to make it look like fun, so we’ll get plenty of dads actually turn up. How’s this?

 

PC got back to me.

Yes Jase, I have spoken to a few people in the office and teachers and we’re still not comfortable sending that out from the school. Could you do one a little more in fitting with the school’s exacting standards. Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

Easy.

Sorted Penny.

 

PC replied. I think she was getting a little frustrated. As I was.

Jase, could you do one without alcohol mentioned or implied. And how about any single-mothers who may wish to attend? We cannot exclude any parents. Kindest regards

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

Single mothers? Did she completely misunderstand what I was trying to arrange??

Penny, single mothers aren’t actually invited. This is for dads only.

Jase.

 

I got the distinct impression my email was not going to be sent out at all and that my file had been stamped “Dodgy Dad”. So…

How do you do, fathers of Year 7 students?

I have had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of some of you, however we are more than likely going to be briefly meeting at dance recitals, soccer games, netball frolics, hockey adventures, parties and sleep-over drop-offs for the next 6 years.

I suggest we all gather together for a tea-drinking session, so we may get to know each other. Who is interested in attending? The Greengate Hotel, March 17th. Shall we say, 7:00? The first tea’s on me!

 

She replied.

Mr Gram the school will take the entire idea under advisement. Regards.

Penelope Correct – Hornswood Ladies College.

 

I had reverted to “Mr Gram” and her “kind regards”, had lost their warmth and had been diminished to just “regards”.

After not hearing from her for about a month, I sent her one last Bitmoji, with no words.

That was three years ago, I’m still waiting.

And by the way, that wasn’t my first incident with my daughter’s school – (read more… https://writehandman.com.au/2016/11/10/my-first-day-at-plc-a-blog-by-jase-gram/)

Thanks for reading. I write blogs, oftentimes simply to claim at parties much to my wife’s chagrin, that I am in fact… a writer. At other times, to allow businesses and businesspeople to get their message across.

If you could Share via the buttons below, that would be amazing. Pleeeease do. I need to one day be a famous contributor to the noble art that is – Blogging.

Cheers. Jase. 

22 thoughts on “I WAS JUST TRYING TO ARRANGE A DAD’S PUB VISIT

  1. Sue says:

    Thankyou
    You manage to make a ” bumbler” feel less bumbling!”🤔🙏😂

    Like

  2. Batman says:

    Mate I would have attended even if you didn’t refer to my drink of choice, soy latte (I.e. “brose”).
    Ooh and my daughter didn’t go there.

    The pendulum has gone to far,

    Like

  3. Mark says:

    Love it. Sounds exactly like every north shore private school 😂😂

    Like

  4. We're on three without being shut down says:

    You need a viral WhatsApp group so you can avoid the official bureaucracy – each dad adds on the dads they know and so on. And then everyone respects the first rule of fight club…

    Like

  5. Tyler says:

    Your problem is that it wasn’t a Catholic school.. It’s a cardinal sin (that’s a “go directly to Hell” type sin for you non-catholics ) to hold any function at a Catholic school unless there is copious amounts of alcohol.
    Pro tip: never drive to a Catholic school function.

    Like

  6. Mr B. Show says:

    Hilarious Writehandman. Brilliant use of Bitmoji and a well-written story. Very entertaining

    Like

  7. Anonymous says:

    Very funny Jason. Suggest you organise one at the Greengate for your existing mates

    Like

  8. Paul Sved says:

    That was brilliant thanks for brightening up my day!

    Like

  9. Chris says:

    Hahaha, we had Thirsty Thursdays at my daughters school once a term in the junior school, but not much in the senior school since.

    Like

  10. Samo says:

    That’s next year for this black duck

    Like

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