In Hornswood (being the dynamic little suburbs from Hornsby and Chatswood) it can be a little conservative and… quiet, so I tend to initiate social events.

My daughter went to “PLC” and in her first year I thought it would be a great idea to arrange a piss-up with the dads of the other Year 7 girls, who I was going to occasionally see for the next 6 years.

I was put in contact with Mrs Penelope Correct (my daughter would kill me if I used her actual name) and sent her an email with a Bitmoji attached.

Dear Penny,

I have a daughter in year 7. I was hoping to arrange an unofficial pub visit for the dads of her year, so we can all get to know each other. Would that be possible? Thanks. Jase Gram

PC replied in a very timely and positive manner.

Dear Mr Gram,

This is the first time anybody has sent correspondence with a Bitmoji of themselves. LOL. That sounds like a wonderful idea. Send me an email and I will forward it straight out to the rest of the dads of Year 7. Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

So I sent her an email with an excellent Bitmoji of me attached to really set the tone for all the dads, when she forwarded it on.

Howdy dads of Year 7 girls,

I know some of you dodgy lads already, but most I don’t. Let’s all get together for a massive, rowdy break-the-ice piss-up!! Who’s in lads? The Greengate, March 17^th. 7:00ish.

The next day, PC sent me back a reply.

I’m sorry Mr Gram. Do you think you could possibly, tone the email down just a little bit? Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

I assumed the picture was the problem, so I sent back a less suggestive Bitmoji.

Penny please just call me Jase. I’m no “Mr Gram”. How’s this one?

PC replied.

I’m sorry Jase, do you think you could possibly, tone the Bitmoji down just a little bit further? Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

So I amended it to look more like a dad celebration-of-PLC-life, than a piss-up.

PC then replied, in an exceedingly timely manner. I think she was starting to get a little concerned.

I’m sorry again Jase. The school does not want to be encouraging alcohol drinking in any of their communications. Please amend. Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

So keep in mind I really wanted this thing to happen and I didn’t want to appear like an absolute yobbo to my daughter’s new school. I sent a Bitmoji which had no amber fluid.

I know what you’re saying Penny. How’s this one?

PC replied.

No Jase, could you do one that’s a little bit more representative of us at PLC? Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

That one was easy.

Penny I’m pretty keen to make it look like fun so we’ll get plenty of dads actually turn up. How’s this?

PC got back to me.

Yes Jase, I have spoken to a few people in the office and we’re still not comfortable sending that out from the school. Could you do one a little more in fitting with the school’s standards. Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

Easy. I replied:

Sorted Penny.

PC replied. I think she was getting a little frustrated, as was I.

Jase, could you do one without alcohol mentioned or implied? And how about any single-mothers who may wish to attend? We cannot exclude any parents. Kindest regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

Single mothers? Did PC completely misunderstand what I was trying to arrange??

Penny, single mothers aren’t actually invited. This is for dads only. Wouldn’t they be a bit more comfortable at say… a mother’s event? Jase.

I got the distinct impression my email was not going to be sent out at all and that my file had been stamped “Dodgy Dad”. So I sent her this…

How do you do, fathers of Year 7 students?

I have had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of some of you. I suggest we all gather together for a tea-drinking session, so we may get to know each other. Who is interested in attending? The Greengate Hotel, March 17^th. Shall we say, 7:00? The first English Breakfast on me!

She replied.

Mr Gram the school will take the entire idea under advisement. Regards. Penelope Correct – PLC.

I had reverted to “Mr Gram” and her “kind regards” had lost their warmth and had been diminished to just “regards”.

After not hearing from her for about a month, I sent her one last Bitmoji, with no words.

The event never ended up happening.

 

PLEASE USE THE BUTTONS BELOW TO SHARE FAR AND WIDE.

Thanks for reading. I write blogs oftentimes just to be able to claim when meeting a new person at a Hornswood party, that I am in fact… a writer (whereby my wife generally jumps in and proclaims “he’s actually NOT a writer”). If you could Share far and wide via the buttons below, that would be amazing. I write stuff for a few small companies, but I need to one day be a famous contributor to the noble art of blogging. And check out the brilliant new craft-beer home delivery business I have set up with a few North Shore dads (gettincrafty.com.au) Cheers