I was at the races with the lads from Hornswood (being the dynamic little suburbs from Hornsby to Chatswood). We were having a great time on the piss and the punt and the plan was to catch up with all our wives for dinner that night to spend some of our winnings.

McSloth (his poker call-sign), one of the blokes I was with who I hadn’t seen for about half an hour, sent me a text.

McSloth – “CUTN. Winning?”

Obviously, he was in fact calling me the “c” word and had just swapped the last two letters around. It was out of the blue, but that is very much how McSloth and I talk to each other. Assuming he was standing behind me and was showing off about picking the last few winners, I looked around but couldn’t see him.

I replied.

Me – “YOU’RE A FUCK-WIT, but yes, I’m winning.”

I didn’t wish to lower myself to his level and use “that” word. I wasn’t actually winning, but he didn’t need to know that in this situation.

He sent me back another text.

McSloth – “Excuse me?”

Not sure what game he was playing, I went on the front foot.

Me – “Not only are you a fuck-wit, you have always been a fuck-wit for as long as I have known you. And I hazard a guess, that you will indeed continue to be a fuck-wit forever.”

McSloth – “Why so rude?”

Me – “BECAUSE YOU ARE A TRUE FUCK-WIT AND THAT’S GENERALLY HOW I SPEAK TO FUCK-WITS.”

Once I caught up with McSloth about ten minutes later, with a smirk and a nod, we both pretended the little stoush never actually took place.

It wasn’t until we had arrived at the dinner with the wives later that night, that I disappointingly discovered I had not actually been swapping texts with McSloth . I was in fact exchanging them WITH HIS WIFE.

Mrs McSloth was… unhappy.

Apparently “CUTN. Winning?“, actually stands for “See You Tonight. Winning?“

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Thanks for reading. I write blogs oftentimes just to claim at parties much to my wife’s chagrin, that I am in fact… a writer. I write stuff for a few small businesses but I need to one day be a famous contributor to the noble art of blogging. And check out my the brilliant new craft-beer home delivery business I set up with a few North Shore mates (gettincrafty.com.au) Cheers