Ladies of Hornswood!
Is seemingly every square-inch of spare room in your cellar, cluttered up with your husband’s bottles of alcohol? Want to reclaim some space?
Do you have nowhere to put your drinks? Or no place to store your pilates gear?
Does he seem to spend more time thinking about his expensive old scotch than he does about you?
Who you gonna call?
You just call Cool Hand (my self-ascribed poker call-sign) and on a Friday/Saturday night that is convenient for you, I will arrive at your house with 6-8 Hornswood dads and drink ALL your husband’s booze!
🎼 When the space runs out.
And you’re ready to shout!
Who you gonna call?
Need your cellar bare.
When your hubby aint there.
Who you gonna call?
Sounds too good to be true? It isn’t. Here’s the answers to all the important questions you may have:
1. Do I need to deliver the alcohol somewhere myself?
Not with Booze-Busters. We come to you.
2. Are Booze-Busters accredited?
Absolutely. I have been working with every one of my hand-selected Booze-Busters crew for years! You needn’t worry, they are HIGHLY EXPERIENCED and each one can consume PLENTY. They are so committed to their craft that most of them now PREFER drinking a customer’s husband’s booze, to their own.
3. Are we affordable?
Sure are. The first six sessions are FREE.
4. Will you drink it all?
No worries about that! I am so confident in my drinkers, that if we don’t get through it all in one night, we will be back the next Friday/Saturday night and hit your clutter again. And if necessary, the one after that, and the one after that. Mid-week sessions are available by special appointment, but we do our best work on the weekends.
5. Will I gain heaps of extra space?
Absolutely. We guarantee to at least halve the amount of room your husband is selfishly hogging (let’s not be afraid to call it what it really is).
SATISFACTION IS 100% GUARANTEED* (*ours at least)
6. You don’t just focus on the cheap alcohol do you?
No way. My experts will start at the very top and work their way down. The first bottles to go will be those annoying ones taking up all your valuable space in those wooden boxes, then we move onto any ones just collecting dust. The bottom shelf we drink last!
7. Do I need to provide anything special?
Not with our service you don’t. If there is NRL or Rugby to watch the 6-8 dads will just plonk ourselves down right there on your couch and commence de-cluttering. If there’s nothing on, don’t worry, we bring our own poker table. We provide everything that’s required at no extra charge (poker chips, Spotify, snacks, a bag of party ice and even mixers).
8. Will my husband be happy?
How could he not?
Your husband – Where’s all my expensive booze?? Did you move it?
You – Oh I did much better than that darling. I called the experts… at Booze-Busters!
Your husband – Wow, Booze-Busters? That’s awesome! I’ve heard Cool Hand and the guys are very thorough. We’ll finally have so much more room in that cellar. Thank you honey, come here and give me a kiss* (*disclaimer – husband reaction not guaranteed)
9. What’s the best time?
In our experience, the entire process goes much more smoothly when your husband is either out for the night, or ideally away on a business trip. It’s more impactful for him to arrive home and find ALL his booze gone, than him being present watching each bottle consumed. You know what husbands are like at letting go of ANYTHING.
10. Will my husband mind having so many men drinking in my house?
To avoid any… awkward situations, all my team of Hornswood dads were selected first and foremost on being particularly unattractive. No pool-boy-type problems with Booze-Busters.
Anyway, he’s probably seen our van driving around town. The one big enough to fit a poker table that has the number plate “6-8 ALCOS.”
11. What if my husband is the stay-at-home type and I can’t get rid of him for Booze-Busters to do their work?
No problemo. If it’s a NRL/Rugby couch night, he can just join us. If it’s poker then he can sit down at the table and play with us while we work.* (*inexperienced poker players only)
12. How will I know how much alcohol you actually drank for us?
Included in the price, we line up all the empty bottles in a row so you can see exactly how much work we have done during the night. It’s all part of our good old-fashioned service.
CUSTOMER FEEDBACK – (Natalia from Hornswood.)
I had Cool Hand and the Booze-Busters team around last week. They were highly recommended but just in case, I checked in on the boys quite a few times, crowded around their big poker table. There was not one moment they weren’t hard at it, drinking our clutter away. Thank you Booze-Busters, I now have some non-cluttered space for my things. I cannot wait until my husband Andrew gets home. He’ll be amazed how many bottles you cleared out of his cellar (it’s been all about him down there, for years). I cannot speak of this service highly enough.
Thank you Booze-Busters. YOU’RE THE BEST!! Natalia.
Divorce packages available – we know it can be a stressful time, so if you’re a couple splitting up we remove all the booze and drink it off-site.
Just give Cool Hand and my Booze-Busters team a call on 1800-6-8ALCOS (free call).
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Thanks for reading. I write blogs oftentimes just to claim at parties much to my wife’s chagrin, that I am in fact… a writer. I write stuff for a few small businesses but I need to one day be a famous contributor to the noble art of blogging. And check out my the brilliant new craft-beer home delivery business I set up with a few North Shore mates (gettincrafty.com.au) Cheers